If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize