Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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