either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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