then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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