Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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