You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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