just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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