I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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