Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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