The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize