Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just had sex bonerless
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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