I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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