I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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