My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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