Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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