Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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