I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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