What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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