If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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