New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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