There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
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He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize