im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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