I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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