Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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