"it" just moved
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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