Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize