No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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