Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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