my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
...so i touched it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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