I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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