Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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