I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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