Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
