it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
50% drunk capacity currently
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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