wat bout pragnant strippers??
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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