My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize