woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
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You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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