Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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