My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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