I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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