I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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