i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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