Don't make out with my wife yet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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