you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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