it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think people are normalizing furries
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