Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize