The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My liver just had a heart attack.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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