im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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