Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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