My hand turned me down
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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